Fashion, Travel, Lifestyle, and Opinions on Everything and Nothing.

Leave a comment

SOAP BOX: How Women Talk About Other Women

I had a discussion with an acquaintance recently, that went completely pear shaped. I’ll call my companion “Sally.” She’s definitely further to the right than I both politically and socially; dressing very conservatively, eschewing makeup, talking frequently about her church. No biggie, we normally get along well together. Our chat took place a couple weeks ago, but I can’t shake it. So let’s discuss…

I was reading the following piece in The Week (my favorite news magazine):

The Big Breasts Ban


A high school senior in Washington state was denied entry to her prom because her breasts are too big. Central Kitsap High School’s dress code permits strapless dresses, but Brittany Minder says school officials told her she couldn’t enter unless she covered her abundant cleavage. Minder wrapped herself in a shawl, but left the prom after an hour. “It was tough being there after all that happened,” she said. “I was self-conscious.”

I was indignant for young Brittany, and read the article aloud. The response was (paraphrasing, it’s been a couple weeks), “Of course they did. Or they’d have had to deal with her having sex in the bathroom later.”

When I picked my jaw up off the floor, I asked Sally what in the world she meant. Her paraphrased response, “If girls dress like that they’re looking for a certain kind of attention, and they’ll act on it.”

At that point I began to have trouble hearing her over the sirens going off in my head. I stated that this was one very short step from the old “well if she hadn’t dressed that way… she has no one but herself to blame…” attitude toward rape victims. This Sally denied emphatically, while restating her belief that girls who wear low cut tops or short skirts, are “looking for a certain kind of attention,” and are going to be, or cause, trouble.

My, that slope looks awfully slippery!

I told Sally that she was wrong, I was extremely disappointed in her, and I changed the subject. Well handled? NOPE. In my defense I submit again, it was hard to concentrate with the claxons and flares going off.

Brittany Minder in her prom dress.

Brittany Minder in her prom dress.

The exchange distressed me. Are we still tearing down other women, rather than supporting them?

A few points:

  1. Brittany happens to be busty. Are we now stigmatizing women for their physical attributes? (Naive question, the answer is, and always has always been, yes). Would the same dress on a less well endowed classmate have been acceptable?
  2. Brittany is in high school. Research shows at this age cognitive development is not complete, there is a poor understanding of consequences. Reasoning and judgement are still being acquired through brain maturation, coupled with life experience. She’s still just growing up and trying to figure things out. Was this dress ridiculously revealing? I don’t thing so. But even if it was, she’s finding her boundaries and what’s comfortable for her. She’s a kid. No need to run out and buy her a red light.
  3. In my opinion, Brittany’s dress was both adorable and appropriate. Could we see cleavage? Yep. But this young lady probably has cleavage in a crew neck t-shirt! It’s how she’s built.
  4. Perhaps Sally simply lacks empathy, and is unable to understand, being smaller chested herself, how difficult it can be to dress a bodacious bod. To quote Brittany’s dad, “A girl like Brittany should not have to go to a dance in a burlap sack because she’s large busted. It’s ridiculous.”
  5. Say she WAS wearing something racy. Let’s think, for just a minute, what role models the media has for this generation of female children.
Miley Cyrus, Katy Perry, Rihanna

Miley Cyrus, Katy Perry, Rihanna

This topic may have struck home for me, in part, because I’ve been listening to coverage of the trial for the attackers of a young woman who was raped on her school campus  during a homecoming dance in Richmond, California. Regardless, It is not acceptable to condemn others because they make different choices than we do. It is contemptible to dismiss a person’s rights, or even their feelings, because they don’t look or act as we do. And it is appalling to imply that a girl is undeserving of respect, solely because her cleavage is visible.

So what do you guys think? Should Brittany have been singled out and made to cover up her “natural resources?” Was I out of line for calling Sally on her comments?

Leave a comment


I cut my hair off in April of this year and after kicking myself about it, I straightened it for at least 2 months. It looked great straight. But I have naturally curly, problematic hair that when short, puffs out all around and goes flat on top. Triangle head. Very attractive. 

Fast forward 8 months and it’s time for a trim and shaping. I also decided to try out bangs, and have my color done (I started covering my grey finally in July of this year, and have been doing it myself at home). Enter They had a deal at Code, one of San Francisco’s Aveda Salons. I’m a true believer in the quality and skill of Aveda professionals, so I snatched it up.

The last time I had bangs I was 8 years old. Or was it 11? Regardless, it was a traumatic experience. The hairdresser, for some unknown reason, cut them wide: spanning from directly over each ear to meet in the middle. They were also a good half inch above my eyebrows. There is no photographic evidence left from this disappointing period of my life. Yes, I actually did destroy all the photos. 

Saturday was the big day! 

BEFORE: ———————————————————————————————-

There's that weak natural curl.

There’s that weak natural curl.

Wow, that looks way worse than I realized. Must remember to get out the hand mirror and check the back of my hair more often!

Second day hair, air dried, the back.

My strange, "I'm getting nervous," face.

My strange, “I’m getting nervous,” face.

DURING: ———————————————————————————————-

Waiting for the color to set with a cup of delicious Aveda tea.

Waiting for the color to set with a cup of delicious Aveda tea.


Valerie styling the new cut. I love her wedge boots and matching belt with that dress. And how does she carry off that perfect red lip at 10am?

AFTER: ———————————————————————————————–

Olivia: colorist, Valerie: stylist, mugging with me to show off their handiwork. They were so fun, and I'm really happy with both the color and cut!

Olivia Fadda: colorist, and Valerie Navarro: stylist, mugging with me to show off their handiwork. They were so fun, and I’m really happy with both the color and cut!

By the way, this post is totally unsponsored. I’m truly a fan of Livingsocial and Aveda. If you’re in the Bay Area and looking for a new salon these two ladies (above) are friendly, skilled young professionals building their clientele. I will definitely be back to see them both! 

Do you have bangs, or would you consider getting them?